ing

Wednesday was a bit of a depressing day. I had read online that for flights out of Incheon, you have to book at least 5 days in advance. Since I was planning to leave on Monday, I figured I couldn’t put it off any longer. Since my attempts at booking by myself were proving too expensive, too confusing, and too Korean, I set off to Itaewon to try to find a travel agent.

First, though, I wanted to find somewhere for lunch. My goal for the week was to try to eat a different countries’ food every day (I figured Nepali food might be SLIGHTLY hard to find in Truro). I had heard there was a good Thai restaurant in Itaewon, so I tried to find it. I walked from one end of Itaewon to the other, several times, but with no luck. I did have the good fortune, however, to see a crazy Korean lady, wrapped in the American flag, walking up and down the streets shouting all crazy. Good times.

Anyway, eventually I found a different Thai Restaurant, and I figured I’d give it a try. I pretty quickly regretted going in, because I was the only person. In the entire restaurant. OMG awkward. I didn’t even enjoy the food, really, because I was trying to hard to get out of there. Plus they charged me tax! The only place in Korea to charge tax is stupid Buddha’s Belly. Not a fan, I guess is what I’m saying.

En route to finding a travel agent, I unwittingly walked up what I now know is “Hooker Hill.” I was just trundling along, minding my own Ps and Qs, when the door of Peach Phuzz – which I’m sure a very reputable establishment – pops open. This lady with a sequined dress and big boots comes out, “Hello sir! Come in! Come in for one beer!” I’m still unawares at this point, so I just smile, “No thanks!” and keep walking up the hill. Well, the second I pass Peach Phuzz, the next door, to a place called “ing” opens. “Hello Sir! Please come in, I want to show you something!” “Yeah. No. Definitely not.” I pick up the pace. Maybe I’m a little weirded out. I pass ing, and approach the door to “Nymph.” I maybe should’ve been expecting something, since the last two doors were the same… and the third door was called Nymph. “Hello! Would you like to come in? Please come in for a beer!”


Anyway…

I found the travel agent, Unique Travel Travel Boutique. Kimberley hooked me up with a ticket home. To drown my sorrows about leaving, I went to the Starbucks around the corner for a Christmas Latte. And a nap. Yup, I definitely fell asleep in the Starbucks… For an hour and a half. Oops.

"This is called the peace bell... It doesn't work"

Tuesday! Ugh. Earliest morning. I had to get up at 6:30 for my meeting at 7:10 for the DMZ Tour! I met the tourguide at the Lotte Hotel, and we headed off. They told me the night before, when I confirmed the tour, that it was still available, eve though I was the only person. Oh my. This would be awkward. Luckily, there were 7 other people on the tour. Apparently they all booked between 8pm one day and 7am the next?
The drive to the DMZ takes about an hour, and on the way the guide told us about the history of the Koreas, and the DMZ itself. After every sentence, she asked, “Do you understand?” When we got there, our first stop was some bridge. I wasn’t listening. But next, we had to go into the military area, and a soldier with a big gun got on the bus to check our passports, and our tour guide STOOD BEHIND HIM STROKING IT! I was a little bit scared he was going to freak out and shoot us.
Next we went to the infiltration tunnel, which was pretty cool. North Koreans dug these tunnels from North Korea into South Korea, and they could move 30,000 troops through them in an hour. Unfortunately, they were “Korean-sized,” as our tour guide put it, which means that they come about to my chin. I had to walk through the whole thing hunched over, while old ladies laughed at me. We got helmets, and by the time we got back to the top, my helmet was all scraped to hell from me hitting it against the rock top of the tunnel. We also watched a hilarious propaganda video about “freedom fighters” and “communists.”
Next, we went to the Dora Observatory, which gives us our only view of the actual DMZ. The De-Militarized Zone is 2 km on either side of the border between North and SouthWe could see the two villages: South Korea’s is called Freedom Village, and North Korea’s is called Propaganda Village. Guess who named them? No one actually lives in Propaganda Village, but they have a staff who turn lights on and off in the buildings, to make it seem inhabited. Also found in the DMZ is the world’s largest flagpole. South Korea built a flagpole to show their national pride, or what have you. North Korea built a BIGGER one, just because they could.
Our last stop was Dorasan station. It’s this fake train station that’s “not the last stop in South Korea, but the first stop to North Korea”… Except for no trains actually go to North Korea. Nevertheless, you can get a stamp in your passport saying you’ve been to North Korea. On the drive home, the tour guide talked to all the people on the bus. There were two people from Denmark who have already been traveling for 2 months, and they’re not going home until April! They’d already done Russia, Mongolia, Shanghai, Beijing, Hong Kong, and Seoul, and they were going to do Tokyo, Honolulu, and then drive around the US for 2 months. Must be nice!
When we got back from the DMZ, I tried attempt #2 of the van Gogh exhibit. I even got in this time! None of his really famous paintings were there, but it was cool to even see not famous paintings by a famous painter. Oddly enough, though, the best thing I saw in the gallery was by a Korean artist. After here, I walked through Namdaemun Market, which gets more cracked out than I even thought possible for Christmas. Every vendor, for some reason, has life sized dancing Santas. In a place where its already hard to move for all the people, adding hundreds and hundreds of Santas does NOT help the matter.

My last stop of the day was going to be “Ballerina who Loves a B-Boy,” a dance show near Hongdae. Alas, it was cancelled, so I just browsed my way through Hongdae’s awesome stores (and to the Coffee Bean), and went home.

There are 5 letters in Nepali

Monday started with several failed attempts at culture. I went to the City Hall station, and trundled around until I found the Seoul Museum of Art, which is hosting a van Gogh retrospective. I found it, eventually, but it was closed. I headed back to the station, and then out the other way to the Rodin Museum. Closed.

I was getting hungry anyway, so I headed to Dongmyo, because I’d seen a sign in the subway for Himalayan food, which sounded interesting. I didn’t even know what Himalayan food would be (yak? Sherpa??), so I thought I would give it a try. I know it was at Exit 8, so I exited and started walking. I got to the next station, and I hadn’t seen it, so I went back to the station, and tried the other way. Nothing. Back to the station. Tried the third direction. Nope. Back to the station, fourth try. Still Nothing. That’s weird. So I walked back to the station one last time, dejected.

Just when I was arriving at the station, I looked up above Exit 8, and there it was, big as life, literally ON exit 8. Which explains why I didn’t see it. So, I go down into the station, as to cross the street. I trundle over and back up the 12 million (or so) stairs, and somehow come up again on the wrong side of the street! Anyway, I eventually made it to the restaurant, and it was pretty awesome. I had this spicy dried lamb dish, and vegetable fritters and bread. Plus it came with all this fancily-shaped vegetables, and milk tea. It was all pretty delicious.

Back on to the subway next, and toward Yeouiaru, for a cruise of the Han River. I found the dock well enough, and got my ticket. She told me Dock A, Gate 1, so I headed off, but I found that Gate 1 was the wrong boat. So I found some guys and asked if they knew. They said they were going on the same cruise, so I followed the around, but they had no idea where they were going. I found a lady and asked her, and she just shouted “Go! Go!” So I asked one last person, and he took my ticket and ran away. I followed him, but he told me I was going the wrong way. Anyhoo, I found it, and when I got on there were a total of 2 other people on board. Then the 2 lost guys got on, so a whopping 5 of us enjoyed the cruise.


There were some guys windsailing on the river (in December, brrr), but otherwise not much to see. The coasts of the river are fairly ugly. You can easily tell which side is which though. My side has lots of little dirty hovels, and looks pretty ghetto. BBro and Kendra’s side, meanwhile, has lots of tall skyscrapers and big, clean office buildings.

My side:

Their side:
Wherever the cruise dropped us off, I started walking. I was just going to head to the nearest subway station, but I saw signs for Samseong, so I went to COEX instead. I was going to go to the kimchi museum, I figured it would be good for a laugh, but it too was closed. Apparently the only day EVER that things in Korea are closed are the day I try to do them. I wandered around the mall instead, and then went to meet BBro and Kendra for dinner.

Headline: White Man Confused by Giant Sojus

On Saturday morning, I woke up at the crack, and headed off for Korean class. We learned how to say pervert, ghost, and gangster, and how to ask what Korean words mean in English, and vice versa. After class, our group, and the advanced group and the teachers all went off for lunch together. Note: if something is listed on the menu as “pizza” anything, it just means it has cheese on it.

After lunch, Daniel, the minister of the church from whom we’re ripping off Korean lessons came and took us to the Changgyeonggung palace, near Hyehwa. We saw all the sights, including the flagpole that is a national treasure, and the place where they buried the prince’s placenta and umbilical cord. Also of note: at one point Japan totally pwned the palace, and they turned it into a zoo, just because they hated the Koreans and they wanted to degrade them. You sure showed them...



After the palace, BBRO and I headed off to meet Kendra – finally, a week after she’s been here. She lives at Cheonho, on the purple line, and both her school and her apartment are amazing. Avalon is definitely no YBM, we’ll say that… We met some of the teachers from Kendra’s school, and all of us went to Hongdae to a concert supporting AIDS. The music was fairly horrible, but the drinks were cheap, so it didn’t much matter.

Kendra's School:


My School:


After a few hours, we went back to Kendra’s building, and there’s a noraebang IN the building! We went there for a few hours, and sang lots of jams. At one point, one of the guys left for a smoke, and came back with a middle-aged Korean man, who apparently lives in the building. He sang a song in Korean. It was utterly bizarre, and amazing. Then, Mr. Kim (I don’t know what his actual name is, but odds are--) left. About 10 minutes later, he came back, and started taking beers out of his jacket pocket. Somehow he had 7 huge beers in there. He was awesome…

---

Sunday was meant to be an extra-exciting day, and we had lots planned, but it turns out that after out night of noraebanging, that we were all a little tired, so we didn’t even get on the road until about 2:30. Since we couldn’t find the sex museum, which was our original plan, we headed to Itaewon for some shopping. The first person we saw there was one of the guys from Kendra's school, who is also (by the way) our new arch nemesis.

Afterwards, we headed back to Cheyongyangni for dinner, but both of our “places” were closed. So we got some sort of spicy soup. It was the first time for Kendra to eat sitting on the floor, her first kimchi, and her first try with chopsticks, so it was pretty entertaining.

Lastly, we went back to Hyehwa, because on our journeys through the day before, we found an Iceberry, which we can clearly never resist. On our trek back to the subway, there were these 5 guys dressed as huge bottles of soju. There was a lady from some news thing too, who was trying SO hard to get a picture of me with them.

NoraeBang

Remember that part of Lost in Translation where they go to that Karaoke Bar, but its just them in a room by themselves, and it looks totally awesome and fun? BBro and I totally did it the other day! In Korea it’s called Noraebang/노래방 (norae [노래]= song, bang [방] = room), and it’s literally everywhere, but somehow I’d managed to avoid doing it so far.


Now that I have though, it’s pretty much my favorite thing. You get your own room, and microphones and video screen. The videos that it plays along with the songs seem to be, without fail, Korean War re-enactments.

The selection is particularly varied, and often rather strange. Koreans have interesting tastes when it comes to American music, as I’ve come to realize from hearing what they think are “hits.” Our awesome tracklist included:

Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes
Almost Paradise from Footloose (!!)
Listen from Dreamgirls
Beyonce - Irreplaceable
Spice Girls - Stop
Boy George - Karma Chameleon (BBro solo…)
ABBA - Gimme Gimme Gimme
Summer Lovin’ from Grease
Eminem - Stan
Wig in a Box from Hedwig
Breakin’ Free from High School Musical
Fame from… Fame
Blondie - One Way or Another
Michael Jackson - The Way You Make Me Feel
Ace of Base - All That She Wants

Clearly they LOVE musicals here. And trashy 80s and 90s. Luckily, so do BBro and I, pretty hardcore, so we’ll most likely be back. Soon.

Teachers' Banquet

To honor the teachers at ECCs, YBM hosted a Teacher’s Banquet at the Grand Hyatt on November 18th. The term “honor” applied rather loosely, since we still had to pay to attend. Maybe “gather” would be more appropriate. Shockingly, Bree Teacher and I managed to find it without too much trouble at all (in that Grand Hyatt means the same thing in English as in Korean, and we were practically almost to it when we got in a taxi. Nonetheless--). It was actually QUITE a nice hotel, and they had it all pimped out for us, with ECC-themed ice sculpture and all. I’m not quite sure what purpose it served, but still.

I found our table on the map (in the back row, of course; it could only be expected), Korean teachers are at #94, and foreign teachers at #95 with 4 teachers from another school. So I trundle over, and of course see the Korean teachers and Shaun sitting at #96. They beckon me over, so I sit with them, even though it’s not our table; which I tell them. But no one seems to care.

Until a girl comes over and tells us that we’re sitting at their table “but it’s ok.” Which it’s clearly not, so I move. But Shaun doesn’t, which makes me seem incredibly awkward, and like I don’t want to sit with the Korean teachers (I was beside Henna, but still--). Eventually he came and joined the foreign teachers’ table, though. Soon after, Sunny, the manager, brought us wine, which divided amongst all the teachers didn’t amount to much.

Ryan and Brendan decided that we needed more wine, so they went to the store conveniently located next door, and bought quite possibly the world’s worst wine (although I’ve yet to try the traditional Baby Mouse Wine, which adds to the fermenting process… Yeah. Baby mice). This wine was only for the foreign teachers, but it still got gone pretty fast. As did the two bottles they brought with dinner.

Luckily, the guy who sat at our table, who we called Mr. Kim (because, odds are, that actually IS his name) seemed to have some sort of connection to the waiter got us two more bottles of wine. And then what they told us was our “last bottle.” And then two more. (Meanwhile, at Bree Teacher’s table, her teachers were drinking the dregs from other schools’ bottles, and eating their leftover desserts. Classy).

The entertainment for the night included a “talent” (again, used loosely) show put on my some teachers from various ECCs, as well as singing, a magic show, and an amazing a capella group, who sang and beatboxed everything from Korean jamz to Hanson’s Mmmbop. After there, as is quickly becoming ubiquitous in Korea, there were B-Boys.

For some reason, I decided I wanted to walk part of the way home, on account of I have no idea where I was, and had never been there before. So, I took my YBM-emblazoned thermos, and headed out the door. I strolled around the city for a while, until I found a subway, and then I rode the rest of the way home

More Than Imagine

November 17th brought another in a long series of unexpected weird experiences. I was invited by one of the Korean teachers, Grace, to go to her church to see her dance. I was happy to go to support her, not so much for her plan to “introduce” us to “Jesus.” It was all part of this show that her cul---sorry, church was putting on called “More than Imagine.”

I got on the bus to church (after an ordeal which had me going to school on a Saturday afternoon to get my map), and I found the stop well enough, but I was rather struggling to find the church, as the map was rather not to scale. Luckily, I happened to look up, and saw the GIANT neon orange cross glowing high above me. Just like Jesus’ one did, I’m sure.

I arrive, and find Grace Teacher, and she introduces me to her friends, who all just giggle, because I’m white, I guess, and people still find it funny. One of her friends leans in to Grace, and doesn’t even bother to whisper “Is he Christian?” Uh… Was that supposed to be in Korean or something? Because those words are English. And I’m sitting right here, and can clearly hear and understand you.

Anyway…

So “More than Imagine” itself was… Interesting, let’s say. I wouldn’t have really gotten that it was religious, if it hadn’t been in a church. The reasons were severalfold:
-The place is lit like a disco club. Even the minister guy who prayed (or whatever, I couldn’t understand it, clearly) had psychedelic lights going on behind him.
-The house band (???) actually kinda rocked out.
-But mostly… There were B-Boys (WTF!!???)

It was a fine enough night. The best part was that, whenever anyone brings a newcomer to the church, they get money to take that newcomer out to dinner. And I was that newcomer! Score!!

Happy Pepero Day

November 11th is a special holiday in Korea (it was a Sunday, but it’s not the kind of holiday that we would have gotten off work, anyway). In Canada and America, we have Remembrance Day and Veteran’s Day, respectively, on November 11th. As patriotic North Americans, we remember war heroes, and those who risked and lost their lives for the betterment of ours. In Korea, they celebrate….

The Pepero.

A pepero is a (admittedly, rather delicious) long cookie stick, dipped in chocolate, similar to the Pocky of Japan, and otherwhere. It’s sort of like Korea’s version of Valentine’s day, in that you give Peperos to those you are fond of, and it has no particularly imminent need to be celebrated, and was conceived and sponsored entire by a company (Lotte, who owns the Pepero name, and just about everything else in Korea).

For the weeks leading up to Pepero Day, every store that sells them makes THE MOST intense displays of Peperos. Giant sculptures made out of boxes of Peperos in the shapes of hearts and arrows, and Xs and Os, and things of that nature. They have balloons all throughout the store, and more Peperos than you can shake a (chocolate-covered) stick at.

My favorite part of the whole deal is the reasoning behind the holiday. Apparently, it was chosen to be on November 11th, because if you sort of think about it, 11/11 looks vaguely like some sticks, and Pepero means “thin like a stick.” Man. Whoever came up with this holiday is a marketing GENIUS.

THE BEYONCE EXPERIENCE

November 10, 2007.

Olympic Stadium, Seoul.

BEYONCE LIVE IN CONERT!!!!

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

THE Beyonce graced Seoul with her presence for the first time ever (same weekend as Paris Hilton, nonetheless!), and I was there to experience it. And shout myself hoarse. In the weeks leading up to the night in question, I mocked the Yonce slightly “Yeah, I’m going to Beyonce, should be good for a laugh.” That kind of thing. Little did I know that it would pretty much be the best things I’ve ever seen in my life.

BBro and I arrived at the stadium good and early. Got our tickets. Got our glowsticks (they’re actually SuperJunior [a Korean boyband] glowsticks, but in our ecstacy, we didn’t notice, or care). Got in line. We saw the security guards searching people’s bags, and confiscating cameras, so I told BBro to hide hers in her pocket. Even though there were signs that said NO PICTURES, and angry security guards shining flashlights at people, we clearly weren’t going to NOT take pictures.

But before B even got on stage, there were photo opportunities galore! There were literally thousands of people out of their seats and surrounding this person. We thought they were looking at someone different than they actually were, and we were SO SURE that it was Paris Hilton. But alas, no.

But then finally—

BEYONCE!


Can I just say… I’m not her biggest fan by any means. But that lady can SING. She came on stage all slowly, dramatically, smokily, and then all this fire exploded behind her, and she started singing [Crazy In Love, probably my favorite jam of hers] and I started smiling, and neither of us stopped until 2 hours later.

And who knew, that I knew pretty much all of her songs, and especially the Destiny’s Child ones. Mind you, I don’t really know and of the words to her songs, as evidenced of the videos BBro has of Beyonce, with me shouting along in the background

TO THE LEFT!! TO THE LEFT!! DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!! BAAAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYY!!!

As evidenced hither, in my duet with Beyonce:


To contrast the fabulosity of Beyonce, we sat quite near a lady who, I’m still convinced, was Dame Judy Dench. I thought she seemed a little out of place, but you better believe that when Beyonce told all her Independent Women (part 1) to throw their hands up in the air, you better believe Dame Judy was waving them like she just didn’t care!

Beyonce’s band is all women, and they’re called Suga Mama, and they’re pretty much the best band I’ve ever heard. They totally pwned the stage. Ditto for her dancers. Ditto for everything about the show, really. Apparently I’m a big Beyonce fan, after all.

November 9/10

On the morning of November 10th, we had a training session at the Hyundae Department Store (of all places). As opposed to the other training session that I went to which was given by YBM, this one is, supposedly, sponsored by the city of Seoul. Therefore, allegedly, every foreign English teacher in the city is supposed to go. Now, clearly, there is no department store in the city big enough to hold all the foreign teachers, so there seemed to be some sort of selection process, whereby the directors who don’t think highly of their staffs send them. Naturally, my school had to go. We were even told, “You don’t have to stay, but you have to be there to register.”

Normally, I’d think this is a great idea, only it starts early in the morning, and it’s about an hour and a half subway ride away. All the teachers who live in my building (plus Naomi’s friend Cindy, who stayed the weekend with her) arranged beforehand to take a taxi there, so we could have those precious extra minutes of sleep.

That was the plan, anyway. Sleep didn’t really happen, though, because as a precursor to the excitement that the training was sure to bring, we had a night out. Now, I haven’t really been feeling the club scene in Korea, mostly because the clubs I’ve been to had been…well… rather terrifying. Some names? Club Drug. Skunk Hell. ‘Nuff said. But I finally allowed myself to be persuaded to try again, so we went to TinPan (#2. Which apparently better than the original, across the street).

So, it was because of this night out that Naomi and Cindy and I didn’t sleep. We went home, though, to get the other teachers and to find our cab. At this point, apparently, Cindy is still feeling the effects of her virgin daiquiris, because she goes up to Brendan’s apartment, and strolls right in (even though she’s never met him before). He’s still in bed, so he’s none too pleased.

The rest of the day was fairly dry, as might be expected. The lowest point is, perhaps, the Korean band that covers Green Day songs. So loudly. So badly. So Koreanly. After this, and a debacle which revealed our “free lunch ticket” as a scam by the event co-ordinators, we headed home in a taxi (which took the longest 90 minutes of my life). I changed my clothes, and went out in ANOTHER taxi for a job interview. Then went home and changed again for-----------------------

[I realize that the upside-down nature of the blog puts the next post above, and not below, and will ruin this dramatic tension, but it IS the next event chronologically…]

M/W/F Classes

This class is the Orange Kindy class. They’re 7, and it’s their 3rd year at ECC, so they’re the oldest, and the smartest Kindy class. It’s pretty fun to teach them, because even though they’re younger than the “normal” class kids, they’re way ahead of a lot of them, so they can talk to me pretty easily. Well… Some of them. We’ve got Amy, Andy, Eric, Paul, John, and Donny (who wears a Tshirt that says I <3 JESUS. With tights).


Another Playground 3 class. Ehh, these ones aren’t particularly interesting. Becky, [a little bit of Dennis’ arm and head], Annie, Justin, Adam J (for some reason he gets a last name. Or at least initial), Jack, Harry, Jenny, Kate, and John.


This is my biggest class Playground 2. It has 12 kids. And they like to change their names a lot in this one, so it sometimes makes it hard to keep track of them: Esther, Ginny, Sen, Wendy, Ryan, Julia, Eva, Sarah, Kyle, Danny, Tom.



This Playground 3 class… Sometimes I love them to death, sometimes I just want them to be dead. The two smartest girls moved up a level, and 2 more girls dropped out, so now it’s just 1 boy and 6 boys (2 of whom tend to come about 40 minutes late for a 50 minute class). It’s a rare event to get them all in class on the same day, so here we’ve got Kristine, Kristi, Jenny, Julie, Bruno, Brian, Sean, and Danny (who, the other day started singing Britney Spears’ “Lucky,” out of the blue, but has also been known to sing Mozart’s “Magic Flute” … He’s an interesting chap.


This Carnival 6 class is one of my favorites, even though the majority of the kids are sort of jackasses. The ones that I like seem to make up for them though. They’re favorite pastime is turning their eyelids inside out, which is super gross. And two of them are twins, which is difficult. Anyhoo, they’re Sean, Tommy (the ghost mask fellow), Jimmy, James (aka Highlights), Mike (aka Thing 1), Mark (aka Thing 2), Jenny, Lucy.

I also teach 3 Academy classes on M/W/F, but they're angsty teenage types who weren't so willing to have their pictures taken...

T/T Classes

This is the Brown Kindergarten class. They’re six in Korean years (which is English years is…. ??????? Why do they have different years anyway? Oh. Probably because they ate all the dogs, so they needed to put dog years somewhere). They are (L->R) Cindy, Kevin, Jade, Paul (who likes to hug me, but whose head falls exactly at bum/nads level, and who one day but his hands on his hips and announced “Whew! I’m fat!”), Alex, Lusia (who neither Naomi or I have heard talk – and between the two of us, we teach them 17 classes a week, I think), Lisa (who lives with her grandmother and has the most cracked out wardrobe ever – Barbie princess costume one day, bizarre grandma autumn dress the next… But only ever one shoelace), and Judy.


This is probably my least favorite class of them all. There was only one person I liked, but a girl from another one of my classes switched into this one, so now there are two. We’ve got (L->R) Jane, Big Sally (the one that I like), Amy, Annie, Kelly, Tom, Small Sally (and yes, Big Sally and Small Sally are they’re “official” English names, that’s what they’re registered as).


Wake Up 6B. This class I had so much trouble with that one time Henna made the bad kid bring ice cream to the good kids and me. Of whom there were 2. Now there are 3 good kids, though. We’ve got Emily (the only one who is actually smart), Paul, David, Jeremy, Jake, and Chris.


Playground 2. This is one of the smartest classes I have, and for some reason they move through the books at a snail’s pace. Playground 2, which is supposed to take 1 month, has taken them 3. Which is not pleasant for me. (L->R) John, Tim, Jane, Angela, Jay, Sally, Sue, Chris (who was registered one session as Christ, which has since provided me with quite a lot of glee… and made her hate me).


This class is Wake Up 3B. Yeah, they’re cute (whatev.), but they’re incredibly hard to deal with. We’ve got (L->R) Carl (the one with that mask on… he’s new), Andy, Jeth (who wears Uggs every day), Judy, Sally B, Sally A, Kevin (who, when we got another Kevin, told me he changed his name to Madonna Jackson), Laura (Kevin’s sister), and Helen.

And then there is probably the least interesting 40 minutes of my week. A 1:1 class with John. Who came half an hour late, even though all the other teachers are gone before this 1:1 starts (at it's regular time)... At least his mom brought me a sandwich...

Halloween at ECC

Ahh, ECC. It rarely gets a mention round these pages, and it barely deserves this one. But the peculiarities that emerge as we approach Halloween deserve at least a few words.

The decorations that the Korean kindy teachers put up around the school are INTENSE. There are about 12000 paper bats in the hallways, and sundry pumpkins, ghosts, vampires, and what-have-yous. There is also a giant poster of some red fellow (who I tell the kids looks “just like my Dad”), which stretches across one hallway, forcing me (and only me, of course) to duck under it every time I want to go down the hallway. Approximately 40 times a day.


These are my beloved foreign co-teachers. Their costumes are much more intense than mine was, because they all have kindy homerooms, whereas I only have one kindy class per day (and I teach Academy classes instead). They are
THE NINJA: Naomi
THE SOVIET: Danny
THE (HOOKER?): Amber
THE VAMPIRE: Brendan
THE SKELETON: Shaun
There’s also Ryan Teacher, but he’s not in this picture for some reason…


This is one of the classrooms’ Halloween decorations. I don’t have much to say about it, but its just too creepy not to include.

Halloween/Shopping

I don’t particularly like Halloween.

For the most part, I think it’s a holiday that people should have grown out of by the age of twelve or so. Sure, I like candy as much as the next person (clearly), especially free candy, but dressing in ridiculous costumes and making an ass of myself is another matter. Dressing in costume can be fun if you’re going to a party, or something, where the general public won’t see you. Walking around the street of Seoul, however, getting in my way, and being generally annoying… Well, that makes me hate you.

What makes matters worse, is that the Korean people don’t, as a whole, celebrate Halloween. Some kids do, and the occasional other person does, but on the Saturday before Halloween, the only dumbasses I see in costumes are foreigners, who strut around in their wigs, and give the rest of us foreigners bad names. We get started at enough, as it is, people. Leave it alone.

So, on this aforementioned Saturday-before-Halloween, rather than wearing a stupid costume and hanging out with other ridiculously-attired people, I went shopping (!!holla). My haggling, as yet, had been fairly weak, so I wanted to brush up my skillz. I walked up and down the main street in Itaewon a good half dozen times, scoping out what I wanted to by, but mostly because I was terrified about trying to buy from someone.

My first attempt: a scarf. He tells me they’re 30000W, and I tell him I can get the same thing in Insa Dong for 10000 (which is almost the truth). His friend rushes over and tells me he meant 8000 (haha, BUSTED). I offer 5000. I think in the end I got it for 7000. Not a bad start. Next stop, Dolce & Gabanna hoodie (yes please). The only slipup here is that while I was pretending to browse, even though I knew exactly what I wanted, she tells me “Ladies. Ladies” … “Goddamn, just give me the sweater.”

Now, the thing about Koreans, as I may have mentioned several dozen times, is that they’re about 1/8th my size. So whenever I look somewhere that sells clothes, belts, etc., the angry ladies who sell them say “Very big! Extra large!” I, meanwhile, grumble “I hate you” I’m glad they don’t understand. Even so, I managed to get a belt, a hat, a scarf, and a sweater. To celebrate my successful evening, and to drown my sorrows about being bigger than the Koreans, I had a praline ice blended from the Bean.

…With whipped cream.

HAPPY WADDING

Saturday, October 20 I was (for some reason) invited to the wedding of one of my Korean co-teachers, Ally. Her wedding was in Incheon, which is about two hours away from Seoul by subway. I had planned to meet Naomi Teacher at the subway station and travel to Incheon with her, but she decided not to come and not tell me. Luckily, three of the other teachers from school came through the station while I was waiting there (which was good luck, since I had no idea where to go).

Our ride to Incheon was interesting. It’s the last stop on the longest line, so we were on for quite a while, but we weren’t without entertainment. We met a very very drunk fellow, who we called Mr. Kim (because odds are that actually IS his name). Keep in mind that this is about noon, and that we could smell his boozy breath over everything else in the crowded subway. He kept talking to us, about what I can’t even remember now. At every stop, he would say “This is your stop! Follow me!” We weren’t very smart, we told him where we were going.

After about five attempts by Mr. Kim to get us off the train, we actually did get to where we had to transfer, and you better believe we RAN off that train. We went downstairs and outside to get on our transfer train. When it got there, the doors open and we got on to find, smiling up at us… MR. KIM! Somehow. Eventually, he got off, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

When we got to Incheon, we took a taxi to the wedding hall. It cost about 10 bucks or something. We told this to Grace Teacher, one of the Korean Teachers, and she was so shocked! “The subway is right next door!” We got a little bit lost, I guess. Or they like to rip off white people—

The wedding hall started amazing me even before I went inside. Hanging outside are enormous banners, emblazoned with HAPPY WADDING. Yes, wadding. English clearly isn’t their forte.

The wedding proper was quite an interesting event. It all starts with some flight attendants (???) who lead in the parents of the bride and groom, by ushering them with giant swords they hold in the air. Then the flight attendants walk back down the red carpet, and usher in the groom, and then the bride. Oh, and all of this took place on the top floor of the building, and it has a retractable roof. They couldn’t decide if they wanted an indoor wedding or an outdoor wedding, so they moved the roof back and forth every few minutes.

The guy who was performing the ceremony was a good friend with the groom (whose name is Seoul, by the way, like the city), but he wasn’t very close with Ally. So, he spent some time talking about Seoul (part of which, Grace Teacher translated, was about how his hair is "like cabbage"), and then moved right on to the vows. Without mentioning the bride at all. Then Seoul sang to Ally. Only he’s not a very good singer. And also, it was a duet with another man. Luckily, not a lot of people heard it, because unlike a North American wedding, you sit at a table with other people, and you can just talk to them, and no pay attention to the wedding at all (some people went downstairs to eat during this, because it “gets busy after the wedding”).

Ah, yes. The food. We go downstairs after the ceremony, and into the dining area. You don’t have to wait for the bride and groom, you just go in, eat, and leave. The food was actually pretty amazing. There was rice, soup, salmon, something meaty, something chickeny, something fishy, don’t know, don’t know, some vegetables, don’t know, don’t know, etc. Plus you can just keep eating it, and they’ll keep bringing more. We didn’t though (boo--) since the Korean teachers were waiting to take us to the subway, so that we didn’t get ripped off again – or maybe in case we met Mr. Kim again.

The Mike and the Mia is in the Jew

Volume 3: Children's Grand Park

Our latest and greatest took us to the Children’s Grand Park near Konkuk (yes, we realize that we’re not children. Or grand. Whatever. We heard there was a dog petting zoo). We met at the park, after I spent about 3 hours on the subway (3 transfers! Ugh!). Directly out of the subway there’s a woman who sells rabbits, chickens, hamsters, mice, etc, etc. She just sits on the ground with cardboard boxes full of animals and sells them to hapless passerbys. Humane? Not really. Legal? Probably not even that.

We directed our attention, however, to the nearby vendors of street meat. We were both on the hungry side, so we tried our luck with one of the ladies. I’ve managed to avoid street meat, except for that one wretched temple corndog, so I was pretty surprised that it was actually sort of good. For something on a stick that you buy from a lady whose neighbor sells boxes of animals.

So we set off exploring the park, and first came to an elephant show (something completely different than the Donkey Show somewhere in Hongdae that I still want to go to--). We paid and went in, and the elephants are RIGHT THERE! You can touch them and everything. Their outfits are pretty lame, but it’s cool that you get so close. The show proper was pretty amazing. The elephants can do all sorts of tricks: some of them kick balls, some throw darts, and two of them even paint!!

Probably the funniest part was when the elephants were twirling a giant jumprope, and this guy from the audience was trying to jump it. It kept smashing him, and he kept falling, and yet he just kept getting up and trying it over and over. He’s either really dedicated, or the elephants whacking him gave him some sort of brain damage.

All was well and good, until… One of the elephant’s tricks is to PRETEND TO DIE. Which is NOT a funny thing to do in a park full of children. It was running across the thing kicking a ball, and it “fell” over and lay in the dirt, not moving. The… uh… cowgirl, who was the hostess, ran off and the music stopped, and literally no one moved or breathed the whole time. Then one of the other elephants came in wearing a giant nurse costume and poked the dead one with a giant syringe. Bree Teacher and I were FREAKING OUT.

After the elephant show, we found the reason we came to the park: the dog zoo. [Sidebar: the real zoo was actually pretty fun, too. They had “kanbgaroos,” “domestic ass,” and a horrible translator]. The dog zoo is basically a pen you pay to go in and see the dogs. Since dogs bigger than toy poodles are generally eaten in Korea, this is one of the few places to see them. Since their entire day consists of getting petted by annoying, sticky children, by the time we got to see the doggies, they were all pretty tired, and didn’t really move much. They did have some killer tattoos, though.


Our next portion of weirdness came courtesy of Anistory (which is quite possible the filthiest unintentionally filthy name I’ve ever heard). It’s an animal show like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere. Or even heard of. Or imagined could exist. The plot, as far as I could tell, went something like this. The giant, strobe-lit evil witch gave a poison apple to someone who looks as close to Snow White as it could get without infringing copyright. Only... You know... Asianer. Also, Snow White trains birds. The only people who could possible save her? Rival seal trainers, of course. They have their seals do tricks to prove who is more manly. One of them rides a tiny horse, and the other got beat up by a monkey in a chicken costume (to the strains of the Pirates of the Caribbean theme), so neither of them, really—

A few elements that I couldn’t fit in anywhere: there were several monkeys wearing costumes. Were they playing monkeys wearing costumes? Or were they playing other animals. Then there were about 100 guinea pigs that ran through a tunnel and were never seen again. And some real pigs ran across the stage, too. Oh, and at the end, to celebrate Snow Beige’s resurrection, one seal played xylophone, and one played bass drum. There’s probably more, but it’s too much to try to explain.

Next (and last) we found a park-within-the-park. With rides! We tried the roller coaster, since it looked remarkably awesome. AND IT WAS. Mostly worth the price of admission just to hear Bree Teacher screaming anytime anything happens. Or just in anticipation of something happening. Totally worth it.

Volume 2

Volume 2: I'll take this 800 pound bag of Kimchi, please.

This weekend’s adventure started with a trip (solo!) to Itaewon, to pick up the suit that I had hand-tailored. Yeah, that’s how I roll. Since I had two Korean weddings to attend in the near future, I wanted to look good, and not show up in the dress clothes that I have worn to work every day for the last four months. And since the tailor wants me to “be his mouth” I feel I should tell everyone:

***If you’re ever in Korea and need a suit tailored, go to Mercury Tailors in Itaewon***

And the suit looks shockingly good, too. Even better than I had hope, and I had pretty high expectations, since it cost several… hundred… thousand… won. Ah, well, you only live once. And I wanted to fit in with al the Korean men in their shiny suits (note: my suit is not silver or shiny. Nor will I ever EVER fit in amongst Koreans).

Anyhoo, the real Bree Teach and J-Bar adventure started a few hours later… With more shopping. We went to all our favorite places to shop: Jonggak for DVDs (where we’re becoming regulars – EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t carry Flicka). Next we went to Dongdaemun Market, because I still don’t have a bag to carry all my junk around, and I was quite sure that there was one I liked when I came my first month (sans money). Alas, when we got to the market, there was no such bag. Much to Bree’s chagrin, since I keep complaining about it. I did, however, find a belt. I was so worried about being able to find one that was big enough (damn these Koreans and their tiny waists), that when I found one that looked big enough I bought it right away. I discovered later what I never would have thought, it’s about 8 inches too big!

The next day, we continued our shopping (with special guest Naomi Teacher) at the COSTCO! Ah, a taste of home. After we botched about 18 applications, mostly by trying to write things in Korean, we got our official Korean Costco membership cards, and started shopping. Costco in Korea is shockingly similar to Costco at home (they even have Kirkland brand!), only, as would be expected, several shades weirder. As is to beckon us to the strange sights, or perhaps to say "This way to bargains!" we saw this fellow on the way. He moved. He's some sort of hand-less traffic robot.


A few more Costco delights:

-Soju in convenient drinkin’ boxes, which we agreed could be interesting, if we took them to the kids at school

-Fish sold, um… By the yard? I don’t know what’s going on here.

-Take special note of the price tags here. Costco Korea is one classy operation.

-And this little number.


Whilst we were checking out, this old Korean man FLIPPED OUT on the Costco staff, screaming and swearing at them. It was really frightening. Then we tried to pay with card, but they only take cash, but since it was the three of us and we each got a lot of stuff, we stood there for like 45 minutes counting out 10000 won bills, since they inexplicably get no larger—

After shopping, Bree Teacher and I went for a dinner that illustrates exactly how awesome I am at Korea. We went for “duck on a leaf” (I don’t even know the name for this one--) near her house. We went through two different waiters trying to order, but eventually got what we wanted (maybe). Whilst we were eating, I had one of the choking attacks I’ve been prone to since the weather’s been changing. This one was so intense that I coughed my contact lens right out. When I went to put it back in, I left (unbeknownst to me) my (metal!!) chopsticks sitting in the fire that was cooking our duck. I came back and lifted the sticks of fire toward my mouth. AND BURNED MY FACE. My lips, top and bottom, both had the hugest blisters I’ve ever seen. It hurt to eat for the rest of the week.

Not that I let it stop me--