Halloween at ECC

Ahh, ECC. It rarely gets a mention round these pages, and it barely deserves this one. But the peculiarities that emerge as we approach Halloween deserve at least a few words.

The decorations that the Korean kindy teachers put up around the school are INTENSE. There are about 12000 paper bats in the hallways, and sundry pumpkins, ghosts, vampires, and what-have-yous. There is also a giant poster of some red fellow (who I tell the kids looks “just like my Dad”), which stretches across one hallway, forcing me (and only me, of course) to duck under it every time I want to go down the hallway. Approximately 40 times a day.


These are my beloved foreign co-teachers. Their costumes are much more intense than mine was, because they all have kindy homerooms, whereas I only have one kindy class per day (and I teach Academy classes instead). They are
THE NINJA: Naomi
THE SOVIET: Danny
THE (HOOKER?): Amber
THE VAMPIRE: Brendan
THE SKELETON: Shaun
There’s also Ryan Teacher, but he’s not in this picture for some reason…


This is one of the classrooms’ Halloween decorations. I don’t have much to say about it, but its just too creepy not to include.

Halloween/Shopping

I don’t particularly like Halloween.

For the most part, I think it’s a holiday that people should have grown out of by the age of twelve or so. Sure, I like candy as much as the next person (clearly), especially free candy, but dressing in ridiculous costumes and making an ass of myself is another matter. Dressing in costume can be fun if you’re going to a party, or something, where the general public won’t see you. Walking around the street of Seoul, however, getting in my way, and being generally annoying… Well, that makes me hate you.

What makes matters worse, is that the Korean people don’t, as a whole, celebrate Halloween. Some kids do, and the occasional other person does, but on the Saturday before Halloween, the only dumbasses I see in costumes are foreigners, who strut around in their wigs, and give the rest of us foreigners bad names. We get started at enough, as it is, people. Leave it alone.

So, on this aforementioned Saturday-before-Halloween, rather than wearing a stupid costume and hanging out with other ridiculously-attired people, I went shopping (!!holla). My haggling, as yet, had been fairly weak, so I wanted to brush up my skillz. I walked up and down the main street in Itaewon a good half dozen times, scoping out what I wanted to by, but mostly because I was terrified about trying to buy from someone.

My first attempt: a scarf. He tells me they’re 30000W, and I tell him I can get the same thing in Insa Dong for 10000 (which is almost the truth). His friend rushes over and tells me he meant 8000 (haha, BUSTED). I offer 5000. I think in the end I got it for 7000. Not a bad start. Next stop, Dolce & Gabanna hoodie (yes please). The only slipup here is that while I was pretending to browse, even though I knew exactly what I wanted, she tells me “Ladies. Ladies” … “Goddamn, just give me the sweater.”

Now, the thing about Koreans, as I may have mentioned several dozen times, is that they’re about 1/8th my size. So whenever I look somewhere that sells clothes, belts, etc., the angry ladies who sell them say “Very big! Extra large!” I, meanwhile, grumble “I hate you” I’m glad they don’t understand. Even so, I managed to get a belt, a hat, a scarf, and a sweater. To celebrate my successful evening, and to drown my sorrows about being bigger than the Koreans, I had a praline ice blended from the Bean.

…With whipped cream.

HAPPY WADDING

Saturday, October 20 I was (for some reason) invited to the wedding of one of my Korean co-teachers, Ally. Her wedding was in Incheon, which is about two hours away from Seoul by subway. I had planned to meet Naomi Teacher at the subway station and travel to Incheon with her, but she decided not to come and not tell me. Luckily, three of the other teachers from school came through the station while I was waiting there (which was good luck, since I had no idea where to go).

Our ride to Incheon was interesting. It’s the last stop on the longest line, so we were on for quite a while, but we weren’t without entertainment. We met a very very drunk fellow, who we called Mr. Kim (because odds are that actually IS his name). Keep in mind that this is about noon, and that we could smell his boozy breath over everything else in the crowded subway. He kept talking to us, about what I can’t even remember now. At every stop, he would say “This is your stop! Follow me!” We weren’t very smart, we told him where we were going.

After about five attempts by Mr. Kim to get us off the train, we actually did get to where we had to transfer, and you better believe we RAN off that train. We went downstairs and outside to get on our transfer train. When it got there, the doors open and we got on to find, smiling up at us… MR. KIM! Somehow. Eventually, he got off, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

When we got to Incheon, we took a taxi to the wedding hall. It cost about 10 bucks or something. We told this to Grace Teacher, one of the Korean Teachers, and she was so shocked! “The subway is right next door!” We got a little bit lost, I guess. Or they like to rip off white people—

The wedding hall started amazing me even before I went inside. Hanging outside are enormous banners, emblazoned with HAPPY WADDING. Yes, wadding. English clearly isn’t their forte.

The wedding proper was quite an interesting event. It all starts with some flight attendants (???) who lead in the parents of the bride and groom, by ushering them with giant swords they hold in the air. Then the flight attendants walk back down the red carpet, and usher in the groom, and then the bride. Oh, and all of this took place on the top floor of the building, and it has a retractable roof. They couldn’t decide if they wanted an indoor wedding or an outdoor wedding, so they moved the roof back and forth every few minutes.

The guy who was performing the ceremony was a good friend with the groom (whose name is Seoul, by the way, like the city), but he wasn’t very close with Ally. So, he spent some time talking about Seoul (part of which, Grace Teacher translated, was about how his hair is "like cabbage"), and then moved right on to the vows. Without mentioning the bride at all. Then Seoul sang to Ally. Only he’s not a very good singer. And also, it was a duet with another man. Luckily, not a lot of people heard it, because unlike a North American wedding, you sit at a table with other people, and you can just talk to them, and no pay attention to the wedding at all (some people went downstairs to eat during this, because it “gets busy after the wedding”).

Ah, yes. The food. We go downstairs after the ceremony, and into the dining area. You don’t have to wait for the bride and groom, you just go in, eat, and leave. The food was actually pretty amazing. There was rice, soup, salmon, something meaty, something chickeny, something fishy, don’t know, don’t know, some vegetables, don’t know, don’t know, etc. Plus you can just keep eating it, and they’ll keep bringing more. We didn’t though (boo--) since the Korean teachers were waiting to take us to the subway, so that we didn’t get ripped off again – or maybe in case we met Mr. Kim again.

The Mike and the Mia is in the Jew

Volume 3: Children's Grand Park

Our latest and greatest took us to the Children’s Grand Park near Konkuk (yes, we realize that we’re not children. Or grand. Whatever. We heard there was a dog petting zoo). We met at the park, after I spent about 3 hours on the subway (3 transfers! Ugh!). Directly out of the subway there’s a woman who sells rabbits, chickens, hamsters, mice, etc, etc. She just sits on the ground with cardboard boxes full of animals and sells them to hapless passerbys. Humane? Not really. Legal? Probably not even that.

We directed our attention, however, to the nearby vendors of street meat. We were both on the hungry side, so we tried our luck with one of the ladies. I’ve managed to avoid street meat, except for that one wretched temple corndog, so I was pretty surprised that it was actually sort of good. For something on a stick that you buy from a lady whose neighbor sells boxes of animals.

So we set off exploring the park, and first came to an elephant show (something completely different than the Donkey Show somewhere in Hongdae that I still want to go to--). We paid and went in, and the elephants are RIGHT THERE! You can touch them and everything. Their outfits are pretty lame, but it’s cool that you get so close. The show proper was pretty amazing. The elephants can do all sorts of tricks: some of them kick balls, some throw darts, and two of them even paint!!

Probably the funniest part was when the elephants were twirling a giant jumprope, and this guy from the audience was trying to jump it. It kept smashing him, and he kept falling, and yet he just kept getting up and trying it over and over. He’s either really dedicated, or the elephants whacking him gave him some sort of brain damage.

All was well and good, until… One of the elephant’s tricks is to PRETEND TO DIE. Which is NOT a funny thing to do in a park full of children. It was running across the thing kicking a ball, and it “fell” over and lay in the dirt, not moving. The… uh… cowgirl, who was the hostess, ran off and the music stopped, and literally no one moved or breathed the whole time. Then one of the other elephants came in wearing a giant nurse costume and poked the dead one with a giant syringe. Bree Teacher and I were FREAKING OUT.

After the elephant show, we found the reason we came to the park: the dog zoo. [Sidebar: the real zoo was actually pretty fun, too. They had “kanbgaroos,” “domestic ass,” and a horrible translator]. The dog zoo is basically a pen you pay to go in and see the dogs. Since dogs bigger than toy poodles are generally eaten in Korea, this is one of the few places to see them. Since their entire day consists of getting petted by annoying, sticky children, by the time we got to see the doggies, they were all pretty tired, and didn’t really move much. They did have some killer tattoos, though.


Our next portion of weirdness came courtesy of Anistory (which is quite possible the filthiest unintentionally filthy name I’ve ever heard). It’s an animal show like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere. Or even heard of. Or imagined could exist. The plot, as far as I could tell, went something like this. The giant, strobe-lit evil witch gave a poison apple to someone who looks as close to Snow White as it could get without infringing copyright. Only... You know... Asianer. Also, Snow White trains birds. The only people who could possible save her? Rival seal trainers, of course. They have their seals do tricks to prove who is more manly. One of them rides a tiny horse, and the other got beat up by a monkey in a chicken costume (to the strains of the Pirates of the Caribbean theme), so neither of them, really—

A few elements that I couldn’t fit in anywhere: there were several monkeys wearing costumes. Were they playing monkeys wearing costumes? Or were they playing other animals. Then there were about 100 guinea pigs that ran through a tunnel and were never seen again. And some real pigs ran across the stage, too. Oh, and at the end, to celebrate Snow Beige’s resurrection, one seal played xylophone, and one played bass drum. There’s probably more, but it’s too much to try to explain.

Next (and last) we found a park-within-the-park. With rides! We tried the roller coaster, since it looked remarkably awesome. AND IT WAS. Mostly worth the price of admission just to hear Bree Teacher screaming anytime anything happens. Or just in anticipation of something happening. Totally worth it.

Volume 2

Volume 2: I'll take this 800 pound bag of Kimchi, please.

This weekend’s adventure started with a trip (solo!) to Itaewon, to pick up the suit that I had hand-tailored. Yeah, that’s how I roll. Since I had two Korean weddings to attend in the near future, I wanted to look good, and not show up in the dress clothes that I have worn to work every day for the last four months. And since the tailor wants me to “be his mouth” I feel I should tell everyone:

***If you’re ever in Korea and need a suit tailored, go to Mercury Tailors in Itaewon***

And the suit looks shockingly good, too. Even better than I had hope, and I had pretty high expectations, since it cost several… hundred… thousand… won. Ah, well, you only live once. And I wanted to fit in with al the Korean men in their shiny suits (note: my suit is not silver or shiny. Nor will I ever EVER fit in amongst Koreans).

Anyhoo, the real Bree Teach and J-Bar adventure started a few hours later… With more shopping. We went to all our favorite places to shop: Jonggak for DVDs (where we’re becoming regulars – EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t carry Flicka). Next we went to Dongdaemun Market, because I still don’t have a bag to carry all my junk around, and I was quite sure that there was one I liked when I came my first month (sans money). Alas, when we got to the market, there was no such bag. Much to Bree’s chagrin, since I keep complaining about it. I did, however, find a belt. I was so worried about being able to find one that was big enough (damn these Koreans and their tiny waists), that when I found one that looked big enough I bought it right away. I discovered later what I never would have thought, it’s about 8 inches too big!

The next day, we continued our shopping (with special guest Naomi Teacher) at the COSTCO! Ah, a taste of home. After we botched about 18 applications, mostly by trying to write things in Korean, we got our official Korean Costco membership cards, and started shopping. Costco in Korea is shockingly similar to Costco at home (they even have Kirkland brand!), only, as would be expected, several shades weirder. As is to beckon us to the strange sights, or perhaps to say "This way to bargains!" we saw this fellow on the way. He moved. He's some sort of hand-less traffic robot.


A few more Costco delights:

-Soju in convenient drinkin’ boxes, which we agreed could be interesting, if we took them to the kids at school

-Fish sold, um… By the yard? I don’t know what’s going on here.

-Take special note of the price tags here. Costco Korea is one classy operation.

-And this little number.


Whilst we were checking out, this old Korean man FLIPPED OUT on the Costco staff, screaming and swearing at them. It was really frightening. Then we tried to pay with card, but they only take cash, but since it was the three of us and we each got a lot of stuff, we stood there for like 45 minutes counting out 10000 won bills, since they inexplicably get no larger—

After shopping, Bree Teacher and I went for a dinner that illustrates exactly how awesome I am at Korea. We went for “duck on a leaf” (I don’t even know the name for this one--) near her house. We went through two different waiters trying to order, but eventually got what we wanted (maybe). Whilst we were eating, I had one of the choking attacks I’ve been prone to since the weather’s been changing. This one was so intense that I coughed my contact lens right out. When I went to put it back in, I left (unbeknownst to me) my (metal!!) chopsticks sitting in the fire that was cooking our duck. I came back and lifted the sticks of fire toward my mouth. AND BURNED MY FACE. My lips, top and bottom, both had the hugest blisters I’ve ever seen. It hurt to eat for the rest of the week.

Not that I let it stop me--

OMG! RUN! IT'S THE GWOEMUL!

Enough time has come and gone since our triumphant return to Korea, that I feel I need to write something about them. Since nothing really happens during the week, and there are no more days off until Christmas Day (boo!), I present the Weekend Adventures of Joshiebar and Bree Teacher… (This happened a good 3 weeks ago, so some details might be a little fuzzy, and it’s probably not-quite-chronologically arranged).

Volume 1: 63 Building

We decided to meet on Yeouido Island, which is in the middle of the Han River, and is the home of the 63 Building, which used to be the tallest building in Asia, but now ranks 3rd in South Korea and 102nd in the world(!!). We assumed that it wouldn’t be too hard to fine, since it’s (allegedly) enormous, and we were on a tiny island in the middle of the river. Boy, were we wrong— We wandered around for a while, first trying to find the shuttle that was supposed to take us to the building, then once we figured we were close enough, the building itself. Somehow, we didn’t see it in the distance, until we were pretty much right under it, and it was right above us. 63 stories above us.

Well… They call it the 63 building, and it does have 63 stories, but 3 of them are underground. Even so, for some reason they call the ground level the first floor, and the top the 63rd. Some went missing on the way up to the top I guess? The dealy that we read advertised 100 stores, or some such. But when we got there, it had (I think) 15? We counted, but I forget now. Needless to say, I was very disappointed on the shopping front. It does, however, have an IMAX, and an aquarium, and several corridors that have light shows for no particular reason.

Our first stop (as it tends to be when Bree Teacher and I rendezvous) was for food. We saw a restaurant called Buffet Pavilion (oh my God yes please), which sounds like pretty much the best place ever, but we decided to save it for another day. We settled instead for the lady who only wanted to sell Bree garlic bread, and sold me some vile sort of risotto(???) concoction. We should’ve gone to buffet pavilion…

Next, though, we went up to the 63rd floor! The elevator to the top is on the outside of the building, and it’s all glass, so you can see outside. The view probably would have been awesome, too, except that it was so foggy that we could see about 3 feet from the elevator. Once we got to the top, the view got slightly better. We could see the south side of the city (Bree Teacher’s side) fairly well. We could also see…

THE GWOEMUL!!!

Well, sort of. But perhaps I should explain. Gwoemul is the English-ed version of the Korean title of this awesome horror/monster movie (it’s called The Host in English, which is a bit lamer). It is set in Seoul, and the bridge that the big monster (the Gwoemul) lives under is called the Wonhyo Bridge, and you can see it from the top of the 63 Building. It’s labeled, in fact. Gwoemul used to be the highest grossing movie in Korea, but then D-War grossed more. Anyway, Gwoemul is scary and amazing. Rent it.


[I totally took this picture of it...]